This time there was silence. After two minutes, the man opened the door and removed the very cold parrot. Slowly the shivering parrot walked up the man's arm, sat on his shoulder and spoke into his ear, sounding very frightened:
"I'll be good, I promise...Those chickens in there.. what did they say?"
Three more years went by and the head monk came to him and said, "What are your two words?"
He went home feeling very sad, and when his wife heard the sad news
she said to him, "Honey, if there's anything I can do to make you happy,
tell me."
The preacher answered, "You know, dear, there's that box in the kitchen cabinet with what you always called "your little secret" in it and you said you never would want me to open it as long as you lived. Now that I'm about to go home to be with the Lord, why don't you show me what's in that secret box of yours?"
The preacher's wife got out the box and opened the lid. It contained $100,000 and three eggs.
"What are those eggs doing in the box?" the preacher asked.
"Well, Honey," she replied, "every time your sermon was really bad I put an egg in the box."
Now the preacher had been preaching for over forty years, and seeing only three eggs in that old shoe box, he started to feel very proud about himself and it warmed his soul.
"And what about that $100.000?"" he asked.
"Oh, you see," she whispered softly, "every time there were a dozen eggs in the box, I ..sold them."
Submitted by Tim Allen, Switzerland
A man goes out of prison after twenty years. He
decides to go back to the neighbourhood where he lived. When he gets there
he cannot recognize the place. Everything has changed a lot. The places
he used to visit have all disappeared. Even the pub has disappeared.He
is very tired and would like to have something to eat. He goes into a small
café and has a coffee and a sandwich.When he takes out his wallet
he finds a shoemaker ticket in it. He then remembers that the last thing
he had done before being arrested was to take a pair of shoes to the shoemaker's.
He decides to go there and try. What a wondeful thing! The shoemaker is
still at the same place. He gets into the shop and tells the shoemaker
that about twenty years before he had left him a pair of shoes to have
them repaired. The shoemaker has a look at the ticket and says: "O.K. Come
back tomorrow. They will be ready then." Some things never change.
"Robe dirty!" the man exclaimed.
No, I'm afraid we don't.
the middle, then threw the papers in the air.
"Good" the student said, and walked out. He passed.
The man tries to pet the dog and the dog bites him.
What!? OF course not.
Submitted by: Brian Madden
Every day, an ESL teacher was seen coming out of
the rest room with a marker, used for writing. In the rest room were expressions
and graffitti written on the walls. It was very bad. Finally, the Director
of the school called the teacher into the office and told the teacher that
it was terrible of him to write those things on the walls. The teacher
said that he was not the one writing those things. All that the teacher
did was to correct the grammar.
The shopkeeper says, "No, my dog does not bite."
"Well, the head monk replied, I am not surprised. You have done nothing but complain ever since you got here!"
"What the heck do YOU want?"
minutes later, and went to hand the test to his instructor. The instructor
told him he would not take the test.
The student asked, "Do you know who I am?"
The prof said, "No and I don't care."
The student asked again, "Are you sure you don't know who I am?"
Submitted by: Alastair Rice
This one will perhaps only be good for your more
advanced students.
A piece of string walks into a bar and asks for a drink. The barman refuses to serve him saying rudely, 'Sorry but we don't serve the likes of you. Get out!'
The piece of string leaves the bar feeling glum, he walks down the road and then he sees two girls who he asks for help. 'Please,' he says to one of the girls, would you tie a knot in me?' This she does. 'Please,' the piece of string says to the other girl,'would you mind taking your comb and fluffing out the ends of my string?' so the girl obliges.
'Thank you' says the string and he turns around, goes back into the bar and immediately orders a drink again.
The barman looks at him quizzically and says 'aren't you the piece of string that was in here a moment ago?'